Psychology calls it learned helplessness: when a person, after many experiences where they are not allowed to make decisions, stops trying even when they still can.
The High Cost of Losing Your Voice
The loss of autonomy doesn’t just affect you emotionally. Studies show that older adults who maintain their ability to make decisions live longer and with a better quality of life. The brain needs to choose, solve problems, make mistakes, and participate. When it stops doing so, it deteriorates more quickly.
Furthermore, when a person is no longer heard, something even more dangerous emerges: the loss of a sense of purpose. They wake up each day feeling that they are no longer needed. And when the brain believes it is no longer needed, it begins to shut down.
This creates a vicious cycle:
You lose your voice → you become passive → others believe you can’t → they decide for you → you lose even more of your voice.
Controlling love isn’t complete love.
One of the most difficult aspects is that this suppression often comes from people close to you: children, partners, family. They think they’re caring, but they confuse protection with control. And you, to avoid conflict or for fear of being alone, begin to give in.
First it’s clothes, then food, then money, outings, important decisions. Until one day you realize you no longer know who you are or what you want.
Accepting help isn’t the problem. The problem is accepting help that strips you of your dignity.
The internal enemy: internalized ageism
After years of hearing phrases like “you’re too old for that,” many people end up believing it. That inner voice that says “I can’t anymore” or “it’s not worth it anymore” wasn’t born with you: it was learned.
This is called internalized ageism, and it’s one of the biggest obstacles to regaining autonomy. As long as you believe you can no longer do something, you’ll act as if it’s true, reinforcing the prejudice.
